U.N.C.L.E. Miscellany

Bob's Your
U.N.C.L.E.
And Other Miscellany

(If you have linked directly to this page maybe you have not read our latest update message.)

You know what they said about all work and no play...? Well, not only is it true for Illya Kuryakin (see The Foreign Legion Affair), but we also feel that a page as distinguished as ours should include a little bit of silliness. We have devised the following pieces hoping to draw at least one smile from all of you, deputy U.N.C.L.E. agents, whose sense of humour may be on the verge of extinction.

As you can see, our compilation is rather limited and we are counting on your collaboration in order to increase it. Indeed, if you feel you can contribute to either or both items (use our template as a guide) please send us an e-mail and we will gladly post your suggestions along with your name. Be reminded that, although this is a humorous page, we will only post tasteful additions. But then again, U.N.C.L.E. fans are renowned for their tastefulness...

Everything I Ever Needed to Know in Life, I Learned Watching the Man from U.N.C.L.E.
U.N.C.L.E. Trivia Quiz

Everything I Ever Needed to Know in Life, I Learned Watching The Man From U.N.C.L.E.

Friendship has no boundaries
You can't trust anyone
Some people have a very high threshold to pain
It's the nice ones you have to watch for
There's mischief all around and it pays to remember it
Patriotism is useless in the international grand scheme of things
Russians are definitely not the enemy
When you're number 2 you have to work harder, and harder, and harder
Your boss will always be someone to avoid
Unfounded favouritism is sickening
THRUSH is evil
Torture can be creative
Blue eyes and blonde hair draw attention
Annoying people are mostly to get themselves into trouble
Sonny Bono CANNOT act
Espionage is a very exciting business
Appreciation from peers is really hard to find
The pen is mightier...
Gadgets will always be the boys' department
The spy-world is (unfortunately) a man's world...
Television series never die even when they are pulled off the air
Loyalty, like friendship, is earned: it can never be forced upon someone
Sometimes it's easier to overcome your opponent with wits rather than with the U.N.C.L.E. Special
The use of sarcasm can make you feel better
No matter how skilled and educated you may be, you will always be stuck with an irritating boss (Yes, we do have a problem with authority! J )
Never underestimate people.
Crime definitely does not pay... neither does U.N.C.L.E. ;-)
If you intend to kill someone, do not stall and tell them your evil plan's every detail.
Stay away from your casual girlfriend's family.
Good always prevails ... well, almost.
In a dire situation, creativity can be much more reliable than your partner.
Compliments are few and far between; therefore, you should enjoy them when you can.
Always carry an extra incendiary device secreted somewhere on your body. You never know when they may come in handy.
Real heroes do not smoke.
Adventure is not as glamorous as it seems.
A smart mouth can get you in trouble.
No man is free who has to work for a living.
You can find love in the most unusual places.
If you intend to kill someone, do not put off the deed and leave your victim sequestered somewhere out of sight.
Bad guys are usually not very bright.
In New York, nobody ever notices several people disappearing into a tailor's dressing room.
Gymnastics are a must for special agents.
With the right credentials, you can get into any woman's closet.
Shoes are highly over-rated.
Children are highly suggestible.
If you're not high enough in the hierarchy you are expendable.
Boys will be boys.
Comedy is the fly that lands on the corpse of tragedy.
Always let friendship get in the way.
Life's too valuable to spend even a single minute of it in remorse.
You must take the bitter with the sweet.
It's a terrible thing to turn a dream into a nightmare.
The wounds of time never heal; they just grow old with time itself.
Always read the instructions before operating new machinery.

How to tell if you've been watching too much of your favourite series.

Every television show generates its own faithful followers. It's a fact well-known-- especially amongst rich television producers. On the other hand, not every show creates tons of one-track minded maniacs. The Man From U.N.C.L.E. proved to be one of the lucky few. Those hard-core fans who lurk in the shadow of their local tailor shop, mumbling a mysterious "Open Channel D" into their Bic pen. People secretly carrying inconspicuous yellow card in their wallets, as proof of a very elective membership. Although these persons are seldom seen in public places, scientists are fully aware of their existence. The question remains though: are you one of them?

While on a casual stroll in your neighbourhood, you notice that your local tailor shop is closed for the summer vacation. You wonder:
1. Where else will you alter the new pants you recently purchased.
2. How a middle-class tailor can afford a three-week holiday on his salary while you can barely afford a weekend off.
3. How will the agents be able to enter their headquarters.

On your way back from work you find yourself unconsciously humming a tune under your breath. What is the tune?
1. Top of the World, by the Carpenters.
2. A Hard Day's Night, by the Beatles.
3. Trouble, by David McCallum (as sung by himself and Nancy Sinatra in "The Take Me to Your Leader Affair" episode)

You've finally decided to get an email address. As your user name you choose:
1. Something that evokes Peace, Love and/or Butterflies.
2. Your surname.
3. Any of the following: illya, kuryakin, illya_k, solo, napoleon, uncle, channel_d, thrush, number2, number11, section2 (And you realize that you are not alone when you find out that they're all already taken).

In your mythology class the teacher asks you who was Janus. You answer:
1. 'A Planet'
2. 'The Roman god of Beginnings'
3. 'The bloody traitor who betrayed Illya in "The Fifteen Years Later Affair"....'

You're quarantined in bed and darkness for two weeks after contracting your daughter's small pox. Unable to read or watch television, you:
1. Mentally replay all the World Series starting from 1934.
2. Listen to all nine of Beethoven symphonies.
3. Try to replay all 105 episodes of The Man from U.N.C.L.E. in the original order.

You are listening to yet another lecture at the university. While the teacher is repeating the exact same thing for the thousandth time you:
1. Daydream about all you would rather be doing on such a sunny day.
2. Draw a caricature of your teacher and seriously consider posting copies all over the campus.
3. Scribble down a list of agent-isms which you will later post on your webpage.

You are listening to your History teacher giving the facts surrounding the Cold War. Once he/she arrives to the 1960s, you:
1. Take careful notes because you are sure about this particular topic being a major part of the exam.
2. Keep on sleeping because nothing can be as important as your beauty sleep.
3. Argue with your teacher that Russians were in fact very welcomed in the United States and prove it with a picture featuring Illya and Napoleon fighting side by side.

You find yourself faced with the certitude that someone has been following you on your way to your local tailor shop. Frightened by the possible significance of this, you:
1. Don't wait an instant and call the police to the rescue.
2. Turn to your stalker and scream at the top of your lungs for him to leave you alone.
3. Search the Yellow Pages in vain for the U.N.C.L.E. HQs' number, because you are sure that THRUSH is looking for the entrance.

While you are waiting your turn in line at the Ice Cream Man van you:
1. Wonder which flavour ice cream you feel like eating.
2. Gape at the ridiculously high prices of the treats.
3. Wonder where they keep their triple fudge ice cream bombs hidden.

You've just received your bi-monthly magazine UTNE READER. You linger on the U.N.C.L.E. (Utne Network for Communications, Letters & Epistles) section (There really is one!) because:
1. The magazine's letters to the editor are intellectually stimulating.
2. You disagree with Joe Bleau on the appropriateness of mantra chanting at the work place.
3. You are still waiting for Napoleon Solo to answer the letter you've been sending every issue for the last five years.

You hear of a political coup ongoing in Russia. You:
1. Hope the change will be for the best.
2. Blame the communists.
3. Blame THRUSH.

You're watching the United Nations proceedings on the television. You:
1. Truly believe that talking about the problems will improve the world.
2. Snicker at your screen and shut off your television set.
3. Spend the week looking for The United Network Command For Law and Enforcement's seat.

Your favourite outfit to wear during the weekend is:
1. Loose fitting trousers (or skirt) and shirt/blouse.
2. Jeans and sweatshirt.
3. Black trousers, black turtleneck complete with black jacket.

You believe that John F. Kennedy was shot by:
1. Either Lee Harvey Oswald or Aliens; you're just not sure yet.
2. The U.S. government.
3. THRUSH.

As a member of Amnesty International you:
1. Write letters to abusive authorities.
2. Initiate a petition using the release of all prisoner of conscience.
3. Ask your AI office why they never appeal on behalf of Illya and Napoleon.

You get stung by a bee. Alarmed, you:
1. ask yourself if you could be allergic to bees, and rush to your family doctor.
2. worry you've been infected with an alien virus which will kill you.
3. are terrified the bee is a genetically engineered killer and that only a special brand of honey will be able to save the rest of the world.
  (If your answer to this question was "b," you have been watching too much X-Files and may be prowling in the wrong fandom.)
You must leave your house in a hurry because of some natural disaster and have only time to save a few of your valuables. You choose to save:
1. the jewellry that has been in your family for generations.
2. your photo albums.
3. your Man From U.N.C.L.E. tapes and collectibles.
You treat yourself to a brand new computer and cannot wait to show it off to your best friend. As you show him / her how much faster a 56K modem can be, he / she peeks at your bookmarks and is amazed to see:
1. such a variety of topics ranging from T.V. to scientific discoveries, neatly arranged by topics and subcategories.
2. very few of them as you only use the internet as a research tool, thus, only needing your favourite search engines.
3. every single The Man From U.N.C.L.E. link existing on the internet, as well as T.V. stations most likely to show the re-runs in the near future.
When telling your kids bedtime stories, you always begin with:
1. "Once upon a time..."
2. "A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away..."
3. "Somewhere in the East-Forties..."
On a bus coming home from work, you miss your stop because:
1. you're only taking the bus in the first place because your car broke down; therefore, you don't know the route.
2. the windows are dirty and you can't see outside properly.
3. you were too busy thinking how MacGyver's father must have really been Illya Kuryakin because creativity is genetically transmitted from one generation to the next.
To you, the right romantic partner should:
1. answer to specific physical and moral criteria.
2. be good with children and want some of his / her own.
3. be as enthusiastic about The Man From U.N.C.L.E. as you are so you can never run out of conversation topics for as long as you live.
You find yourself at a party where everyone seems just a bit awkward with one another. Always the good conversationalist, you feel the need to break the ice by discussing:
1. the advancements of genetics and their ethics.
2. the pros and cons of censorship on the internet.
3. the fact that your local television network has yet again pre-empted The Man From U.N.C.L.E. reruns in favour of a cheesy movie and how that really ticks you off.
During a boring class of 17th century poetry, your mind drifts off as you stare out the window at the view of a tall building. Your mind automatically drawing parallels between known things, you find the building reminds you of:
1. every other skyscraper in the city.
2. the phrase "for the world is hollow and I have touched the sky."
3. one of the THRUSH satraps as seen in The Hula Doll Affair episode.
You have fallen on hard times around the holidays as you and your other half found yourselves out of a job. Unable to spend too much money on your kids you :
1. give them the time-proven gift of oranges and pennies that you received when you were a kid.
2. explain to them that Santa won't be able to come by this year, but that Christmas is really about loving, caring and sharing.
3. give them home-made communicators, yellow badges in the form of triangles and yellow cards with the U.N.C.L.E. logo on them, and tell them about the wonderful world of The Man From U.N.C.L.E.

Results:

You realize that if you answered "c" to one question or more you are definitely suffering from chronic U.N.C.L.E. mania. The bad news is there is no hope for you. The only solution is to indulge in your favourite obsession. The good news is that you are not alone! So join a support group. And if there is none in your area, browse our collection of links.

Disclaimer: The Man From U.N.C.L.E., Illya Kuryakin, Napoleon Solo, Alexander Waverly, and their colleagues at U.N.C.L.E. headquarters don't belong to us (sigh). We only borrow them for a while with every intention of giving them back as good as new (almost). They were born out of Norman Felton's genius mind and Sam Rolfe's exceptional creativity where they were copyrighted by MGM inc./United Artists and Arena Productions ©1964.

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